Family / Whanau

Parents, whanau and caregivers are all crucial to children’s early learning. New Zealand is an increasingly diverse society, and there are different values, beliefs, religions, traditions and approaches in Maori and Pakeha cultures, as there are in Pacific and ethnic family groupings.

See www.familiescommission.org.nz

When a baby has a disability, different family groupings will react in a variety of ways. Some will be grieving and their sorrow will be clear to all. Others may not appear to be feeling any grief at all. Some families will be strengthened and will be drawn closer together, while others will lose cohesion and there may be disharmony and tension.

You need to have time together. All relationships change when a baby is born, but when a child with a disability is born things can get a lot more demanding. Talking to each other is important, not only about children and parenting, but about other interests. Some couples have regular lunch or dinner dates together, without their children, in order to talk about what is happening.

Some family members will feel stress and experience depression. Give each other space and recognise the range of differences among family members. Grandparents often grieve in much the same way as you, except they grieve twice - once for their grandchild and once for their son or daughter. Talk with them and involve them in the daily life of your child and explain exactly what is going on. Once they know what is happening with their grandchild and have enough information to overcome any fears or misunderstandings, grandparents can be a hugely important part of your child's life.

Your new baby may have brothers and sisters and cousins. It's a good idea to talk openly about your child's disability with your other children, and encourage them to ask questions.

IHC/IDEA Services run sibling camps in many areas, where brothers and sisters go off for the weekend, form friendships and talk frankly about family issues.
So that siblings don't feel left out by the attention given to the child with a disability, some families use home-support hours to spend time with their other children.

IDEA also provides other services, including those available through Family/Whanau Services: www.idea.org.nz